What is challenging you the most right now?
Living next door to my grandparents whom seem to have aged overnight and become more ornery, stubborn, bossy and set in their ways challenges me.
I’m torn between appeasing them and doing what they wish for me to do… Or being my true, independent, fiery self. I have such strong opinions on so much in life and most are quite opposite to their own opinions. It can lead to us locking horns so I typically bite my tongue in those situations. Pick your battles.
Which is a whole other challenge for me… Because I tend to speak what is on my mind rather easily. I’m without a filter. If I think it, and it isn’t offensive, I say it. Though, old school opinions meet new age girl opinions and you’ve got one heck of a fun mix.
I’m 23, I have my own ideas on how to live life and handle my own household very differently. So, I’m learning how to just let go when I’m visiting with them and remind myself I have my own home and my own life. And though they wish to give their input on how I choose to handle my home and my life, I want to learn to let go and just smile and nod.
It challenges me on another level, too. Emotionally.
My once strong, could-do-anything, tall and robust grandpa is now a hunched over, cane dependent, frail, tiny man. The man I used to follow around like a puppy as he gardened, lifted 50 lbs. bags of feed with ease and moved mountains in my eyes as a child is now a ghost of that man. The roles are almost reversed. Now, he follows me as I garden, lift 50 lbs. bags of feed and such. He is much angrier and I know it’s because he feels he has lost his manly pride as he watches his granddaughter do things easily that he cannot even begin to do. Lifting 10 lbs. is now a challenge for him.
My grandmother has aged over the last year a great deal… She needs more help, she isn’t as steady on her feet and she tires out rather quickly. She says what is on her mind even if it stings. Words she may have thought in the past but would have never left her lips because she wouldn’t want to hurt someone. Most of the time, I don’t think she even realizes she’s saying hurtful things. And then, her memory is slipping… This scares me more than watching someone physically decline. I never want her to lose her memories, her life, who she is. I want her to have that until her dying day. Yet, genetics says it is possible. And that rocks me to my core.
And how can you be grateful for it?
Even through the challenges of day to day life with them, I’m glad I remain close to my grandparents. My time with them left is unknown. Though, it is unknown for all, when someone you love ages, it is something you have to face. And every second spent with them is precious. They once cared for me as a child so even when it’s tough, I’m grateful I can now care for them. I’m grateful I can host holidays at my house that my grandma is now unable to host. And I hope I make them just as magical as she always did.
I’m grateful to know my grandparents, to love them and spend time with them, especially the good times. Such as my nightly winter ritual of watching Jeopardy! with my grandma and our banter about who’s kicking who’s butt. Golf cart rides with my grandpa even if I feel like I’m taking my life into my own hands anytime he is behind the wheel.
I’m grateful for every moment spent with them… Even the not so good moments. And I’m even grateful I’ve learned when to take a step back and give myself a time out when they become a bit too much for me. Because the less tension and the more good? The better.
Reflect on one challenging thing in the past year that you kicked butt at. what would you have told yourself?
I grew up a lot this year… Who I was this time last year versus who I am now? So very different. I’ve made goals for myself, I have much higher expectations for myself and my life and I’m shooting for them. I’m no longer taking life lying down so to speak. I’m so much more than I thought I was in so many elements. I grew an amazing vegetable garden on my own, I finished the improvements on my home with little help and so much more. Things that are far too personal to write about but challenges, they were. And I conquered them. Now, I’m looking to my future. And I totally kicked butt at this whole becoming a better, stronger, much more grown up version of myself.
I suppose I would tell myself that while it’s scary, it will all work out. I’m so much more than I think I am. That I deserve the good stuff coming into my world and I’m ready to take on the world. I’ve totally got this.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment