RADvent: Day 6 - Starting.

Start simply. Feel the fear, invite it in, and start anyway. If you have to begin again, it doesn’t mean you failed. Starting over builds momentum for the big finish!

I love starting projects. I do it regularly... It's just a toss up if I finish or not. Now, the bigger stuff, I don't enjoy starting so much.

There are so many things I want to start, though. A mixture of fear, failure, logic and lack of time stops me. I want to start my own photography business. I want to take classes. I want to be a writer.

Yet, I can't seem to find the courage, time or ways to let go of my reasoning as to why it can't work.

And an example - I want to be a better writer... Yet, I started this blog over a year ago and didn't update again until my friend told me of RADvent. Clearly, another project started and left untouched for over a year.

So, I began by making a list of steps to having my own photography business in my notebook. More than what I have now, anyway. Yet, all steps wound up marked out because they all cost money.

Back to the drawing board... Think simple. Think possible. I'm not saying the other 3 are impossible... Not at all. Just not now.

So, now, a building block to being a better writer. I've already began. RADvent inspired me to revive my blog and once RADvent ends, I plan to continue on with it. If it be a post once a day, three times a week or just once a week. I want to keep it alive. I want to write again.

Starting is the hardest part... and I've already started. Now, to just keep it up.

RADvent : Day 5 - Drawing.

Draw your best friend..

At this point in my life, I'm blessed with more than one best friend... In fact, I have slight disdain for the term "best friend" because there is no best. They all bring something amazing to the table. No one is best. They all are.

However, I'm not so blessed with drawing skillz. I'm a doodler. In my notebooks and journals, there are random doodles. Especially when I'm on the phone, I will doodle on anything. But drawing something that actually, well, looks human? No! I was tempted to pull out my acrylics or watercolors... Something I'm much more comfortable using. Yet, that's not really drawing! And after failing to find my nice colored pencils, I wound up with a pencil and the crayons I have for B to use when she comes over. Cheap crayons at that...

So, here are 3 of my "best friends" represented in the only way I knew to draw them... without resorting to stick figures.

Bug, Roo and Jack. My nicknames for three of the besties. I tried to draw another (Emmy) but drawing an Emmy Award wound up looking like something a little indecent to put on my blog!

Though this was my most dreaded task, considering my lack of drawing skills, I wound up truly enjoying it. Bon Iver blaring. Pencil in hand. It was quite calming.

Leave a drawing in a public place...

I drew a little daisy flower with one of my favorite quotes under it and popped it in a library book... Perhaps, one of the ladies who work there will get it and it will make them smile. Or, the next person to check that book out will have it fall in their lap. Who knows... But it makes me wonder if the happy daisy and quote will make someone else smile, too.

RADvent: Day 4 - Caring.

I try to find a way daily to show others’ I care… Even the furry and feathered family. Some days, I succeed more than others. But I try to always make myself available for my friends and family. If it’s just 5 minutes, I try to take that time out to listen, chat, laugh and be there. I try to remain in the moment and see others’ acts of kindness, caring and love. And try to always express gratitude.

Be around people today. Observe them. What are other people taking care of?

I had a lazy Sunday on the hillside… Yet, I still witnessed people caring and taking care of that they cared about.

I woke to a spotless driveway that had been covered in a dense, heavy layer of leaves the previous night. I vaguely recalled the rumbling sounds of a lawn mower or some such that morning while I was lying in bed… I discovered it was my neighbors across the road. Not only had she cleaned my driveway, but my grandparents’ too.

With the impending rain, she feared my grandparents’ slipping on the leaves in front of their house and while she was over, she just figured she’d clean up mine as well. I appreciated this so very much. I don’t have the equipment she has so, I’d typically have to rake the leaves up into piles and then, haul them away. Not just in my yard but the grandparents, too. Now, I don’t have to do that!

There were other little random acts of kindness. From my mom bringing me a slice of a delicious cake to a friend lending me a book I’d been wanting to read. And I didn’t even have to leave the hillside to see caring in action.

What are 2 things you began caring about this year? What inspired that?

1) My career and where I’m going in terms of jobs. My original plans have clearly went out the window. I’d love to stay in the world of photography, but if I can’t, I’ve tried to find my passions and hopefully, I can pursue one of them. I can’t say what really inspired this, except, well, accepting the original plan is kind of out the window. I’m 23. Time to get my shit together.

2) Having a home instead of just a house… For the last 3 years, I just occupied this house. I hadn’t made it into a home. My home. Yet, this year, it became more. It became a home. Not just walls I occupied. I put my heart, who I am and what I wish to be into this house. There’s still some little tweaks and such to do. But it is now truly my haven. What inspired this? Well, planning for a future, for more than what I have, to be more than I am.

Caring for yourself takes practice…Eavesdrop on your inner voices and tell them to shape up!

It does take practice… and more recently, I’ve truly been trying to keep the inner bitchy voice in check. Because, well, it’s rotten. Instead, when the bitchy starts creeping in, I try to shift my thoughts to those that are more positive, uplifting and less Psh, I can’t believe you said that! Ugh, you’re so annoying! because, yes, a select little inner voice is THAT bitchy and snarky…

I’m amazed at the difference in my feelings about not just myself, but others around me, when I shift the bitchy inner voice to the more loving, caring, kind inner voice. Hopefully, with enough practice, the inner bitchy voice will fade into the background… and the more I shift to the loving, caring inner voice, the stronger it will be. Because right now, I find it so much easier to care for others than myself.

What I don’t give a shit about…

The newest technology in the world of laptops, cell phones, ipads, etc… I don’t need it, I don’t care about it and I’m not impressed by it.

Celebrities and the drama surrounding them. Really, they’re just humans… get over it.

Black Friday sales. It is NOT worth the insanity. I’d rather pay more.

Consumerism in general. Just, ugh…

Having the body that Hollywood and the rest of the world claims I should have. I’d rather be healthy, thanks.

And I could go on… But, I’ll call it good and leave it at that.

RADvent: Day 3 - Fascinating.

Are you fascinating?

This topic, I’ve tossed and turned and rolled around in my head. Me? Fascinating? No way… And of course, I feel conceited if I go about tooting my own horn or some such. But, I’m going to give this a shot.

I am not typical. I’m not your average 23 year old at all. I’m into simplicity. I don’t have to have the newest piece of technology to be happy or content. I may not be up to date in some elements, yet, that isn’t me. I’m so much more than the newest iPhone or Coach bag. I don’t need things to make me who I am. Things fade away.

Yet who I am and the people I choose to surround myself with? That doesn’t fade away. And yes, even some people come and go… But knowing who I am, what is important to me, and who I want to be? That doesn’t. And then, I have some amazing friends who I know will always be there, too.

Once upon a time, I was much more materialistic. But I quickly learned that all of that can fall away in the blink of an eye. You learn to be thankful for the simplest of luxuries and in the process, though things have improved greatly, I never wish to live such a wasteful, materialistic and expensive lifestyle again.

I suppose others find it fascinating that I lean towards gardening, tending chickens and other random beasts, etc… than being into all the newest mainstream ideas, technology and fashion. I am me. I am not defined by things. I am only defined by my actions, my words and who I strive to be.

Write a list of interview questions you would love to be asked…

Fine, I cheated a little. I did come up with a couple on my own. But the others are product of my friends and mom. They did not fail me. Their questions made me think… And that’s exactly what I was hoping for.

If you look at your photography, what about it is uniquely you? ~ K.

It somewhat depends upon the picture… I suppose the fact that I try to look for what others may miss. I see the little zig zags in toadstools. I see the tiny spider lurking beneath the petals of a zinnia. I try to see what others may miss. In everything. From people to nature, I look for what is being looked over. Not just in photography, but in day to day life.

Are you where you thought you would be 5 years ago?

Not at all… Far from it, actually. Most of my friends are where I thought I’d be in terms of their lives with husbands and babies. But in all honesty, I’ve came to the conclusion that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. Sure, I have my moments of wishing things had went a little differently for me. But I question who I’d be now if they had. If I hadn’t had the experiences and time to figure myself out before someone else came into the picture. I’m well aware of who I am. Without these 4 years on my own, I’m not so sure I would.

Where would you like to see yourself 5 years from now? ~ K.

More settled and “together” in many aspects. I’m still unsure of marriage, but I’d like to be settled with someone in a secure, loving, kind and respectful relationship. If I stuck with my original goal, a kid or two would be great. I’d love to have my own photography business as well.

What are your five most precious material items? ~ E.

1. My camera.
2. My pictures, old and new;
3. My necklace given to me by my grandma when I was just six years old;
4. My computer. As silly as it is, it keeps me connected to many people I love.
5. My journals/notebooks I jot random thoughts and ideas in.


If you could live somewhere else, where would it be and why? ~ M.

I’ve always loved the idea of living in Australia. Yet, most recently, I have a great fascination and curiosity for Montana. From the mountains that are so different from the mountains surrounding me. To the artsy and eclectic feel of Missoula and the wide open spaces of the country and back of nowhere places. The skiing towns. Even if I can’t ski. It’s very different from my home state in several ways that make it just intriguing enough for me to wish to at least visit someday.

What's the one thing you've always wanted to do but never have? ~ S.

I’d like to visit all of my long distance friends. I want to see their worlds. Their homes and who they are in their element. Explore their towns and visit these places they tell me about. Hopefully, I can eventually.

How do you keep yourself interesting?

Exploring, trying new things, reading and always searching for new ideas and answers about any and everything. Befriending new people who may have differing ideas and thoughts to my own. I expose myself to new ideas and beliefs as often as possible.

I’ll try anything once. As long as it is somewhat in the realm of legality and safety, I’m up for it. There is always great joy (and sometimes, a smidgen of healthy fear!) in that of trying something new, stretching myself a little farther than I think is possible and exploring the world around me.

RADvent : Day 2 - Balancing.

Balance isn’t exactly a word that fits in my world. Yet, it is something I’m trying very hard to incorporate into my world. A balance between myself, family, friends and my creatures. That happy medium. There are days I feel like I don’t do such a great job of it and as things shift and change in my world, I wonder how I’ll handle adding more to that balancing act… Because most days, I don’t do it all. Things fall to the wayside. I could spend more time with this person or play with my dogs more.

And those days that I do? Oh, lists are involved. And those lists even have the simplest things written down. And typically, I do finish everything on the lists because I get some sort of strange pleasure out of crossing off completed tasks… But, perhaps I should learn to balance everything without a list…

What do you like to do?

~ Photography. Not the posed, planned sessions. I love capturing life as it happens. Spotting those things that go unnoticed. From a patch of moss to spit bubbles on a baby’s lip. Capturing life as is.

~ Writing. If it be in my notebook by my bed, a document on the computer or an email to a friend. Just letting my words flow as they come to me. It’s my therapy and looking back at it later can be pretty interesting seeing who, what and where I was at certain points in my life.

~ Cooking. Trying new recipes. Yet, my favorite is baking and cooking for others. I express love through food. Perhaps it’s my Southern roots. Perhaps it is the love I felt when my mom made amazing Birthday cakes for me as a child. I’m not sure… But, it is always an expression of love, gratitude, friendship. Food is love. If I bake for you, I truly care about you. Really, really.

~ Hikes into the woods. This is where I find peace, calmness and center myself. It is my “ahhhh…” moment when things seem upside down or I just need to take a step back from it all.

~ Crafting. If it be a random fall garland for my dining windows or crocheting a blanket. I like making things with my hands. I always have.

~ Gardening. Growing food brings me great joy and accomplishment.

Who I am… My true self.

~I am passionate. If I am interested in something, I throw my whole self into it. To a fault.

~I don’t like telling people “no”… Even if I truly do not want to do something, I will do it just so I don’t have to tell them “no” so I’ve became the “yes girl” in many elements.

~I can easily get peopled out. I love being around friends and family… I love socializing. Yet, I still crave my space. If it be spacing out with a mindless tv show or reading. I just need that time on my own.

~On the flipside, I’m really affectionate, verbally and physically, towards those I am most comfortable with. If I love you, you know it. I always want that to be known.

~I’m full of fire, spunk and sarcasm if I know you well. If you’re new in my world and I’m “feeling” you out, I portray myself quite differently. Quiet, shy and not overly chatty.

~I’ve always wished to “save the world”. If it be stray animals or people with issues. I’m like moth to a flame. Yet, I have discovered in the last year that I can help, yes. But in moderation. Not to the point of losing myself or getting into situations I cannot easily get out of.

~I have an inner adventurer begging to come out… I’m just not there yet. And while I want to see more than the southeast, I’ll always want to come home. I’m very much a homebody. And by adventurer, I mean a trip to a state NOT in the southeast once a year. Not, you know, always on the go… Home is where my heart is.

What are the 3 most important things to do today?

My day is over… But, babysitting sweet baby J was high on that list. Taking back the dishes I borrowed for the first Thanksgiving at my house as it has been over a week. Finishing a library book that is due to be returned. All 3 are now completed. Earth changing tasks, let me tell you!

RADvent : Day 1 - Challenging.

I've been craving my blog again yet I couldn't make myself sit down and just do it. Until my friend, Emily, told me about this. The RADvent challenge hosted by Princess Lasertron. Exactly what I needed.



What is challenging you the most right now?

Living next door to my grandparents whom seem to have aged overnight and become more ornery, stubborn, bossy and set in their ways challenges me.

I’m torn between appeasing them and doing what they wish for me to do… Or being my true, independent, fiery self. I have such strong opinions on so much in life and most are quite opposite to their own opinions. It can lead to us locking horns so I typically bite my tongue in those situations. Pick your battles.

Which is a whole other challenge for me… Because I tend to speak what is on my mind rather easily. I’m without a filter. If I think it, and it isn’t offensive, I say it. Though, old school opinions meet new age girl opinions and you’ve got one heck of a fun mix.

I’m 23, I have my own ideas on how to live life and handle my own household very differently. So, I’m learning how to just let go when I’m visiting with them and remind myself I have my own home and my own life. And though they wish to give their input on how I choose to handle my home and my life, I want to learn to let go and just smile and nod.

It challenges me on another level, too. Emotionally.

My once strong, could-do-anything, tall and robust grandpa is now a hunched over, cane dependent, frail, tiny man. The man I used to follow around like a puppy as he gardened, lifted 50 lbs. bags of feed with ease and moved mountains in my eyes as a child is now a ghost of that man. The roles are almost reversed. Now, he follows me as I garden, lift 50 lbs. bags of feed and such. He is much angrier and I know it’s because he feels he has lost his manly pride as he watches his granddaughter do things easily that he cannot even begin to do. Lifting 10 lbs. is now a challenge for him.

My grandmother has aged over the last year a great deal… She needs more help, she isn’t as steady on her feet and she tires out rather quickly. She says what is on her mind even if it stings. Words she may have thought in the past but would have never left her lips because she wouldn’t want to hurt someone. Most of the time, I don’t think she even realizes she’s saying hurtful things. And then, her memory is slipping… This scares me more than watching someone physically decline. I never want her to lose her memories, her life, who she is. I want her to have that until her dying day. Yet, genetics says it is possible. And that rocks me to my core.

And how can you be grateful for it?

Even through the challenges of day to day life with them, I’m glad I remain close to my grandparents. My time with them left is unknown. Though, it is unknown for all, when someone you love ages, it is something you have to face. And every second spent with them is precious. They once cared for me as a child so even when it’s tough, I’m grateful I can now care for them. I’m grateful I can host holidays at my house that my grandma is now unable to host. And I hope I make them just as magical as she always did.

I’m grateful to know my grandparents, to love them and spend time with them, especially the good times. Such as my nightly winter ritual of watching Jeopardy! with my grandma and our banter about who’s kicking who’s butt. Golf cart rides with my grandpa even if I feel like I’m taking my life into my own hands anytime he is behind the wheel.

I’m grateful for every moment spent with them… Even the not so good moments. And I’m even grateful I’ve learned when to take a step back and give myself a time out when they become a bit too much for me. Because the less tension and the more good? The better.

Reflect on one challenging thing in the past year that you kicked butt at. what would you have told yourself?

I grew up a lot this year… Who I was this time last year versus who I am now? So very different. I’ve made goals for myself, I have much higher expectations for myself and my life and I’m shooting for them. I’m no longer taking life lying down so to speak. I’m so much more than I thought I was in so many elements. I grew an amazing vegetable garden on my own, I finished the improvements on my home with little help and so much more. Things that are far too personal to write about but challenges, they were. And I conquered them. Now, I’m looking to my future. And I totally kicked butt at this whole becoming a better, stronger, much more grown up version of myself.

I suppose I would tell myself that while it’s scary, it will all work out. I’m so much more than I think I am. That I deserve the good stuff coming into my world and I’m ready to take on the world. I’ve totally got this.